"If you walked into a crowded, tiny bar and found about a quarter of the denizens were locked in an intense round of bar room fisticuffs with glasses and pool cues flying just as someone brought out a semi-automatic weapon and started spraying bullets as he shouted "Death to all people who wear green pants!" you’d probably get the fuck out of that bar faster than you’d ever thought yourself capable of doing anything, right?"
"You’re entitled to disagree with me, too. You’re entitled to be way offended by that joke and to think of Maher — and me for defending him —as misogynists if you please. Humor is one of the most subjective art forms on the planet, and what I find hilarious you may find tremendously disturbing or offensive. But you don’t get to label someone with a term like misogynist because he said basically "sometimes people act so crazy we have no choice but to react with deadly force in kind." You can certainly call bullshit on that mentality — and I most certainly do — but can we please stop getting our panties in a collective bunch every time someone makes an analogy that we’re not comfortable with? Or barring that, can we at least all agree to do a better job of analyzing the subtext of people’s words, instead of obsessing over how they chose to couch them?"
The point is, ladies and gentleman, that guilt— for lack of a better word — is good.
Guilt is right. Guilt works. Guilt clarifies, cuts through, and equalizes the essence of the American spirit. Guilt, in all of its forms — guilt over an unfair abundance of life, money, for love, and knowledge — has marked the upward surge of charity toward mankind. And guilt — you mark my words — will not only save the Working Class, but its malfunctioning parent corporation called the USA because we all should feel guilty if we find ourselves the beneficiaries of an unfair system; that’s just the right, fair and humane way to live your life.
They’re either too racist or too stupid to take a look around the country as it is and see that we already live in a country that isn’t homogenized at all. We have red states, blue states, states that have recreational pot, and states that where having a joint can still cost you years of your freedom. We have states that will let you carry a gun into a church (because as we all know the power of God isn’t enough to stop evil, but Jethro’s hand cannon is), while other states are very restrictive as to where you can be armed. This cultural diversity used to be considered by some to be one of our great strengths, but very cynical forces have been at work convincing that shrinking minority of scared people I was telling you about earlier that these differences will one day bring this country to its knees, and so believe me, the hate you feel as they spit on you and tell you to “go back to Mexico” (because Mexico is the only country below our own border they can spell, let alone know even exists, many of us feel as we’re called “libtards,” “commies” or “un-American.
"Let me make sure I’m crystal clear here. I’m not advocating that someone kill the bastard. I’m not saying that anyone should take justice into their own hands, unless someone at Department of Justice reads this and literally decides to put Cheney in jail, thereby taking justice in their own hands. I’m not even rooting for the corpse peddler to die. I’m just putting it out there, going on record, that when he does finally succumb to whatever natural causes are taking their sweet goddamned time, it will be a net positive for the Universe, because then we can all heave a deep sigh of relief that one of the most unrepentantly penurious, prevaricative, sociopathic, rapacious, craven, cynical, misanthropic war mongers to ever occupy space in the cosmos has finally shown us in death what he never showed anyone in life…"